So, I chilled. Though the sand here isn't ivory white and are quite pebbly, because Khao Lak is still at the early stages of being 'discovered' by tourists compared to Phuket or Krabi, it's really quiet and peaceful.
There are no beach vendors like in Boracay, there's no trash like there was in Krabi, just natural beautiful beach. I'm also really glad I came during the off season. I can imagine the beaches getting crowded pretty quickly.
After reading and lounging around the beach, the pool, my porch, I walled over to a massage place on the beach next to the hotel for a 300 Baht ($10 USD) Thai massage.
This lady was awesome.
Thai massage isn't just pushing muscle around with your fingers. She used her whole body, especially her elbows, arms, and feet. Oh man, it was great.
Slowly nearing dusk, I walked the length of the beach and reflected on how grateful I was for the time I've had away this summer. God has truly been so gracious ... He was planning for this trip before I even dreamt it. Everything.
In the beginning of this trip, I think I was trying to just get away from it all... Work, stress, decisions ... Life. But now I realize, God heard my cry. And not only did he hear me, but he used this time to bless my soul. To show me how much He loved me.
And He also proved to me that even when I feel directionless slaving away in the daily grind, nothing is without reason. The only way I could hear Him say this is by seeing it unfold in tangible events and activities. And no one knows me as well as my friend, Jesus. During my travels and the events - expected and unexpected - that unfolded, he showed me that he is and will and wants to use me. That I am his beloved and that I am part of His plan. And that the plan is unfolding every single day - even the days that seem mundane. Every day counts!
Even the days where there aren't any obvious signed of 'being used', I now realize that those are the days he is training me. Training me for the next episode. Building skills and talents in me, filling my ears and mind with His thoughts, planting seeds of love and compassion in my heart to reflect his own.
I feel so confirmed and satisfied now knowing that God is and will and can use me. One of my greedy desires for my trip was to 'discover my purpose' or at least gain clarity. God didn't come down from the sky or out of the sea to reveal my future life events or goals He had in mind for me to fulfill. But more importantly, he showed me that it was in the works. It wasn't through a sermon, it was for real. He showed me by using me to nurse my grandma, he showed me by proving I had the ability to plan and roll/deal with the unexpected, he showed me my own strength to be alone and not feel lonely, he showed me that I wasn't wandering aimlessly in life and work - that there was a purpose in all of those things.
And one of the best parts was that I realized this trip was not because I was burning out. It was because God was rewarding me! This was God's 'bonus getaway' for me :) and it was grand, like any gift from my heavenly Father. All those times I cried in the airports en route to another far away client site... All those lonely nights in the hotels eating Chinese takeout... All those early morning train rides to just get the job done... All of that was in preparation for all of this. Through all those experiences, not only did He teach me to master the art of traveling and logistics management haha, He also enabled me to rack up all the mileage and hotel points and status I needed to make this journey the best gift ever :)
What a faithful friend and father we serve. He truly knows my every thought - good, bad, sad, happy. And he knows exactly what I need and exactly what I need to hear and how to say it so I can understand and comprehend. His love for me (and you, and us) is so indescribably great and endless. When he gives me these opportunities to realize that and to feel that personally, I am just in awe of his perfection and constant grace.
Michelle - I am not disappointed in you at all. It's not whether you go to graduate school or get a fancy title for work... I love you just the same. I love you today as I loved you yesterday and will love you the same tomorrow. I am proud of you because you are my beloved daughter and I will always have a home for you. I am watching you and delighting in you - every step of the way. Always. And forever.
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